The Doubting Writer
I Don’t Write
Some time ago, the idea to begin this blog came to my heart. I was so excited. I was on fire (my heart was a blaze – hence title of blog)! The ideas were flowing, the support was there, and I felt it truly was what God was calling me to do.
However, as you may notice, I stopped. I quenched my fire and tucked my passion away. In other words, I buried my talent. But God being relentless in His pursuit of me and unyielding in His call for me, the nagging feeling that I’m not doing what I should be doing hovered over me.
So what was the issue? I truly felt God was calling me to do this. It wasn’t one of those “how will I really know?” type of feelings. I truly received a specific word from God. The people I care about most were constantly encouraging and pushing me to go for it. And yet, all the ideas and inspiration went unshared and tucked away in my mind.
The issue was this: DOUBT. Despite all the motivation in the world, I was scared. I could not see how this little blog God had inspired me to do would matter. I was not sure if I would even be good at it. And if I wasn’t going to be good at it, what would be the point of doing it? If i’m not perfect, not the best, then why even try? Once I stood in this truth, I had to own it. I had to deal with the fact that I was not trusting God and letting my doubt and fear dictate how big He really is.
Instead of just writing, I was thinking. Thinking about all the ways my writing would not matter. I put myself on the sideline and just resorted to the notion that God would use someone else. Someone better than me. Anyone that just wasn’t me.
After months of trying to ignore what God was telling me, one day that plan blew up (spiritually) in my face. One Sunday morning at church I met Colleen Batchelder*. After some small talk, she handed me her card and it said: Christian motivational speaker, writer, singer. I still can’t put into words why, but when I read that I clearly felt God give me a loud “ahem, look at what she calls herself!”. So I asked Colleen, how did you end up getting into the areas you work in. Her simple yet profound answer: “I began calling myself what God was calling me”. BAM! That was it. Straight like that, she called herself what God called her. Not who her thoughts or limited sight of things to come told her she was.
At this realization, my heart began to catch fire. I had to make a choice. Was I going to settle for my logic or was I going to actually believe what I say I believe, which is that God can do exceedingly beyond all that I can think, hope, or imagine? As I was reading Scripture, I came across Hebrews 11, which is called the “Faith Chapter”. In verse seven, it says Noah built an ark in preparation of things that he had not seen. Noah built an ark for 100 years on DRY LAND! I pray my faith will increase to push through even when I don’t see anything happening.
By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. – Hebrews 11:7
So here I am. WRITING. Doing the thing I have no idea how God will use, but it’s what He asked me to do. I don’t know who’ll read this. (Well, clearly you sitting right there, but you know what I mean.) I have no idea if anyone will even like it. (Hopefully you sitting there do like it.) But I will write some more. I will call myself what God has been calling me for almost a year now: a WRITER.
Hi, my name is Lysha and I am a daughter of God, follower of Christ, a friend, sister, and WRITER.
*you can find her at colleenbathelder.com